My Past, My future, My Love
by Melusina's Descendant
Summary: Destiny has been fulfilled and Albion is at peace, but Merlin is having these strange dreams that could be something more. Will Arthur be able to help Merlin this time around? Fem!Merlin/OC, Athur/Gwen. Summary sucks but I promise the story is good.
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

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It was a cold night, the moon was at its highest in the sky filling the earth with light, illuminating two lonely cloaked figures huddled together in the darkest side of the forest. They laid there unmoving and not even uttering a word leaving the wind to howl their sorrow.

"I'm sorry" , one of them said, a young woman, as she cuddled closer to the one next to her. "I wish it didn't have to be like this."

Weakly she raised her hand, and caressed her partner's face, partially removing the cloak to reveal a young man. His face showed no emotions, but his black eyes betrayed him. Two endless pools of dark sorrow and anger met her own blue eyes.

Sighing he pressed his forehead to hers, "we could run, hide our presence."

"You know it would be all for nothing, it's my destiny. I can't escape it, no matter how much we try to fight it." Closing her eyes she whispered, "please hold me, I want to be close to you until the sun rises."

A pair of strong arms held her tightly against him, his pale cheek pressed against her forehead. "Wherever you go or whatever it is that you are destined to do, I will find you."

No more words were spoken the rest of the night. He opened his eyes to find himself alone, her presence was gone from the earth. Slowly he walked out of the forest to welcome the rising sun of a new day.

"I will always find you." 

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**AN: I apologize for any grammatical errors but English is not my first language so I'm still learning. The beginning might be a little confusing but I promise all questions will be answered in the future chapters.**

**I'll give a cookie for whoever guesses where I got the last sentence from**


	2. A King's Worry

**Chapter 1**

**A King's Worry**

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Arthur considered himself to be a strong warrior, brave in the face of danger and a powerful King. He had proven this many times to his kingdom and to himself, in various occasions . There was no man who didn't know of his victories, and no man who didn't admire him. So one would think that after many battles and life-or-death situations, this great King would be courageous enough to talk to a young woman about her troubles.

Well, they would be wrong.

For this isn't just any woman, this is his Court Sorceress, his most important friend, his sister in all but blood, Merlin. And only God knows that type of problems that have been bothering her as of late. For all his virtues, King Arthur is not the most observant, some people (a.k.a. Merlin) would say he is downright dense when it comes to feelings; and while he had always denied it, he is now thinking that she might have been right all along.

In his defense he had been too busy running a kingdom to notice anything different in his ex-servant. Camelot was finally at peace, his friendships with the neighboring kingdoms were as strong as ever, and after such a long time the ban on magic had been lifted. All of which wouldn't have happened without the raven-haired girl; after she had revealed her magic to him and saved his life (for the hundredth time) at the lake of Avalon, he had put everything he knew into perspective. Merlin never once left his side, not saying a word unless asked, she gave him the space and time he needed so he could decide if her fate was to live or burn at the stake.

Of course, he forgave her every lie, how could he not? Everything she had secretly done for him, all the sacrifices she had to endure to guide him to this point, was all so very humbling. He had asked her forgiveness for all the times he had unknowingly hurt her with his words or his actions. Lifting the ban on magic had been easy, but only when he appointed Merlin as his Court Sorceress did the magic users lose their fear and came forth. So with all of this going on, who could blame him for not paying attention to the deterioration of Merlin's health?

It's not like she was fatally ill, but there were dark circles under her eyes, a clear sign that she wasn't getting enough sleep. And surely the stress of her new title probably wasn't helping; he had casually voiced his concerns with Gwen, hoping that she would talk to Merlin and figure out what was going on. But his dear wife had insisted he do it and show Merlin that he was there for her.

So there he was in the royal gardens, trying to figure out the best way to approach the situation. His thoughts brought to a halting stop when he spotted the thin figure of Merlin sitting by the shade of a large tree, and by the looks of it she was in deep sleep.

Thinking that he would let her rest (he was totally not stalling), Arthur turned to leave when suddenly time stopped. The air had stopped moving, the water from the fountain was frozen in place and all Arthur could do was stare as the flowers surrounding him withered and a frozen wind started picking up, chilling his body to a trembling point. Quickly he turned to a restless Merlin, her hands clenching and unclenching while short gasps were coming from her mouth.

Not knowing what else to do, Arthur grabbed on to her shoulders and started screaming, "Merlin! Wake up!"

After what seemed like hours, Merlin woke up, her eyes blazing gold and frantic. Slowly her magic seemed to calm down with her and their cold surroundings became once again a bright sunny day.

"Merlin, what happened?"

Taking deep breaths, Merlin muttered, "just a dream, that's all it was."

Knowing that was not all there was, Arthur's initial concern grew to monumental levels. "Just a dream? Merlin, you lost control of your magic! In your sleep!"

"Arthur it's fine, it's not a big deal" she said, looking everywhere but him.

"This has happened before hasn't it?" Silence confirmed his suspicions, "how long has this been happening Merlin? What are these dreams?"

Running a hand through her hair, Merlin sighed "it started a few weeks ago; it wasn't anything at first just random flashes, then they became more vivid. I tried everything to get rid of them, but nothing works. I'm lucky if I get a good rest once in a while, but I haven't had a proper sleep in weeks. As for the dreams, I can barely remember them once I wake up."

Taking a good look, Arthur finally noticed how exhausted his friend was. She looked like she would collapse at any moment, and there was nothing he could do to help her, it was a feeling he did not enjoy.

"I'll take you to your rooms, maybe you can have a good sleep this time." Merlin looked doubtfully at Arthur, but gave up far too tired to put up a fight. Once they were inside her room, Arthur tucked her in bed and closed off all the curtains so that nothing can bother her. "I'll let your servants know not to disturb you, you sleep as long as you need to."

She didn't hear a single word, as sleep had already claimed her.

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**AN: Sorry for the wait, I just couldn't think of a way to start the story, and I hope this chapter came out alright. I promise I will update sooner next time. **

**The story starts about a year after the end of Season 5, Morgana is dead, and Gwaine is alive because I just love him and couldn't imagine my story without him in it. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin!**


	3. Memories of a Distant Past

**Chapter 2**

**Memories of a Distant Past**

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_It was too late. She knew it, she could feel it. Nevertheless, her pace quickened hoping, praying for a miracle. Running at the same speed as she was, her traveling companion tightened his grip on the blade by his side._

"_We won't make it in time Emrys," her companion said. "You know what awaits us, even we can't change this outcome."_

_Biting her lip, she took a deep breath and composed herself. "I will not abandon them Iorek, even if it is just one person, I will be there for them". Receiving no answer she turned towards her companion, anxiety was present in his face, along with something she couldn't name. _

"_Very well," he said. No more words were spoken, as their eyes shone gold and their pace increased to their destination._

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_The city of Lodet, currently celebrating their harvest festival, Samhein. A day where not only successful crops are collected and stored for the winter, but also a day where most children awaken to their magical abilities. All of them patiently await for the full moon to rise and the ceremony can begin, hosted by their protectors._

_But no one expected this to be the last day the people of Lodet will see the morning sun. The children would not have their special day, and their hard earned harvest would be coated in blood._

_There was no happiness, nor any celebration that day. Instead of laughter, there were screams and wails. _

_Then silence._

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_The city was quiet when they finally arrived at the scene. Both man and woman scanned their surroundings, hope diminishing with every corpse they could count. Smoke filled their lungs, but they kept moving; fire lapped at their legs, but it didn't stop them from looking for anyone lucky enough to have survived the massacre._

"_How could this have happened?" Emrys whispered. "They were under our protection, they should have been safe!"_

_Not wasting any time, Iorek's eyes flashed gold and immediately the raging fire faded leaving behind trails of black smoke. The once beautiful town was now ruins, its people was charred to the bone or mangled in the most horrific ways. Of those that the fire hadn't touched, their faces were twisted in pain and fear, their aggressor had tortured them before showing a semblance f mercy._

_Emrys' eyes clouded with tears when she saw little bodies huddled together under what used to be a nursery, she had known these children. She had often played with them and sung to them, most of the children had presented her with flowers before showing her how far they had gone with their magical studies. Fighting back sobs, she joined Iorek in looking for any survivors._

"_H-Help", they heard a small whisper. Frantically they searched among the rubble and found a little boy, no older than five summers, fighting to remain conscious. _

"_Daniel!" Iorek recognized the boy quickly and gave room for Emrys to collect him. She set herself on the ground and gently cradled him in her arms, and it took all she had not to let out a cry._

_There was no bone in his body that wasn't broken, the damage was far too much for him to survive. He was at death's door. Her eyes glowed gold and the boy gave a relieved sigh, the least she could do was give him a painless passing._

"_Milady? You came," he muttered. Looking at the grim faced man, he gave him a small smile. "And you brought Lord Iorek too."_

"_Of course I did, I promised you a dance at the ceremony. And I never break my promises." Brushing some soot off his face, she gave him a smile. "What happened here Daniel?"_

_Daniel closed his eyes, a few tears falling down his face, "an army of soldiers Milady. They started attacking us before sunset, they went for me and the other kids first but the grown-ups told us to run while they held them off. I left them while they were running and went home to warn my mama, but there was a man in there already. She told me to run, but I fought him the way you taught me Lord Iorek."_

_Next to her, Iorek gave him a proud smile and gently rubbed Daniel's head. "You were very brave"._

"_Is mama ok? Did I save her?" _

_Emrys gave Iorek a pleading look, before he replied "yes, she is just fine. She's very proud of you."_

_The boy looked at the clear sky, eyes going in and out of focus. "I'm tired. Will you sing me to sleep?"_

_Gathering the child closer to her, she started singing an old lullaby. She thought of all the townspeople who now laid dead at her feet, of all the young children whose lives were cut short in the most horrific way. The people they were sent to protect, the ones that looked up to them for guidance were dead. _

_Iorek was right, they were too late. They had failed. _

_She finished her song, her voice fading with the wind. Looking down at the child in her arms, she kissed his forehead and set him down on the ground, his heart had already stopped beating._

"_Dammit all!" Iorek screamed. Running his hands through his face he paced around her trying to understand what had happened. "What happened Emrys?"_

_Vigorously shaking her head she replied, "I don't know! This wasn't supposed to happen! These people were destined for a happy, peaceful life. I saw it! Everything was fine until now, something happened that changed their future."_

"_Did you have a vision?"_

"_I didn't see the past nor did I see the future. It was the present that was shown to me, that's when I knew something was wrong." Tears pooled in her eyes, but she blinked them away, "we failed them Iorek! All the magic in the world and we failed."_

_Her voice had broken at the last word, the last shred of self control was gone and with an anguished cry she let her tears flow freely down her face. Swiftly, Iorek sat next to her and without a word he took her in his arms, as he let her grieve for the both of them._

_Tears and sobs welcomed the full moon, as it shone brightly upon the ashes of Lodet._

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**AN: No excuses, for my tardiness. But I hope this chapter will make up for it.**


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